Today’s post is courtesy of Lisa, a blogger who has a personal connection to the stress and strain of infertility. She gives us an honest look at choosing to have and maintain hope. Be encouraged as she shares from her heart. Thank you Lisa for being my guest!
I don’t “do” hope very well.
Intellectually and academically, I believe God has His perfect plan for me, He desires to bless me, and He has impeccable timing.
But if I’m honest with myself, my heart doesn’t really absorb it all. Most of time I don’t feel hopeful expectation; I feel resignation. Fear of disappointment and fear of pain holds me back from experiencing true hope.
After I became aware of this, God has two different sources to send me little nuggets of encouragement and truth to counteract my fear.
The first nugget came from a book I recently reviewed (http://amateurnester.blogspot.com/2014/02/book-review-sweet-side-of-suffering.html) called The Sweet Side of Suffering by M. Esther Lovejoy. The book focuses on the blessings that come out of suffering, and she touches on the topics of fear and resignation. She says:
“At times of suffering we have three choices: We can rebel against what has happened to us and become angry and bitter. We can resign ourselves to the inevitable with a sense of helplessness. Or we can yield to the purposes of a loving heavenly Father and discover the sweetness in that surrender.”
As I read that quote, I knew the Lord was speaking directly to me. I had been choosing resignation.
The second nugget came when a friend suggested that I don’t need to force myself to feel hopeful every day, all day. Rather, I can think of hope as an article I can put on and take off at-will. The idea is to practice putting on hope daily, even if it’s just for a few moments. She even encouraged me to buy a special sweater, scarf, or pair of socks and literally put it on for a few minutes every day while I practice “putting on” hope.
When I told the same friend that I avoid the baby section in Target because it feels so foreign and makes me cry, she encouraged me to practice putting on hope while walking through the racks of tiny clothes and cute socks. I am not a failure if the tears come. I’m merely fighting for hope. I tried this the other day, and the tears came indeed, but I felt powerful because I knew I had chosen the experience.
I guess what I’m learning is that I can choose to be hopeful. I can choose to expect God’s blessings. It may feel awkward or unnatural sometimes, but hope is not a feeling that randomly falls upon certain people and ignores others.
It is something we must work towards and choose.
Lisa writes about her infertility journey and shares encouraging stories at http://AmateurNester.blogspot.com.