My Story of Infertility
Every marriage goes through seasons. Just like we confidently expect and prepare for changes in the weather as we move from spring to summer to fall to winter, we should expect changes in our circumstances and prepare for them.
Every marital season requires fresh perspectives and new commitments. We can confidently expect positive change as we transfer our focus from our problem to the ultimate solution that is ALWAYS found in Jesus. Looking to Him is the best form of preparation for any season in life.
I choose to call infertility a season because it’s something that we can expect to change.
But before I go any further, let me give you a bit of my story of infertility.
Because I experienced both infertility and childbirth, I can honestly say that the emotional pain of infertility hurts worse than the physical pain of delivering a baby. As a woman, I felt inadequate during my season of infertility. I thought I was a failure. I couldn’t do the ONE thing that women can do that men can’t–and that is to get pregnant.
My story begins in college at Georgia Tech where I met and fell in love with Freeman. After graduation and working a couple of years we got married and as engineers do, we planned our lives–in detail. We knew how many years we wanted to wait before having kids. And trust me, infertility was nowhere in our plan.
We started “trying” but nothing happened. After multiple visits to doctors, D&C surgeries, and multiple tests, no firm diagnosis was made as to the cause of the infertility but my doctor said indications were that we may never have kids.
My husband and I experienced a roller coaster of emotions–disbelief, fear, anger, sadness, even feeling inferior to our friends who already had children. As time went on, I had to fight against numerous thoughts that were fearful, doubtful, and shame-filled everyday. Yes, I was ashamed that I could not get pregnant. No one else made me feel that way; it was self-inflicted.
I reached a point where I felt I had to make some decisions before moving on to infertility specialists and all the treatments that I may have to endure. It was in this time frame that I made some decisions (the word “decision” means to cut off all other options).
Decisions I Made
I would not get depressed or become a hermit; I would continue to hang out with my friends and their children and find joy and pleasure in being with them.
- Psalm 118:24 NKJV – This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
I would enjoy life while we waited; I would not fall into the trap of thinking that life would begin to be good only when we had children.
- Nehemiah 8:10 NKJV – Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
I would not do the easy thing and give up without a fight; I would continue to hope.
- Psalm 71:14 ESV – But I will hope continually and will praise You yet more and more.
I would honor God with my faith by believing in His power to change my situation and by letting Him work it out.
- 1 Peter 5:7 NLT – Give all your cares and worries to God, for He cares about you.
- Ephesians 1:19 NLT – I also pray that you would understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe Him.
I would make my marriage the priority—divorce would not be an option. My marriage had to take priority over everything else because I wanted to enjoy living the rest of my life with my husband.
- Matthew 19:6 NIV – So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one separate.
These decisions were not easy to make nor were they easy to carry out. But they were highly important and extremely powerful in helping my husband and me get through that season of infertility.
Eventually, I experienced VICTORY! I was able to get pregnant naturally, without any treatments (three times! 🙂 ). Making those decisions to trust God’s Word and to keep believing that His healing Word works made a significant difference in my fertility.
Borrow Some Hope
Now that you know more of my story, I pray that it encourages you and fills some of the holes where your hope has diminished. Hearing about another woman’s story of infertility can be a source of hope when you see how she became an overcomer. God’s promises of fertility are true! “Borrowing” hope from other women’s victories over infertility can help immensely. Some days, it may be the only way to not give up!
I have written a book, Borrowed Hope, about this topic. My friend, Angela Williams, who experienced miscarriage, is my co-author. The book is a unique presentation of Sarah and Abraham’s story of overcoming infertility. Peek into her world and witness her intimate conversations with Abraham, God, and herself about her season of infertility.
Her story of infertility victory will encourage you and strengthen your hope, propelling you to expect your own victory.
[NOTE] A large portion of this post is an excerpt from the ebook, Infertility Sucks! How to Maintain Hope in Your Marriage During Infertility. Infertility Sucks will give you tips to keep your marriage intact and strong during infertility. You can receive this ebook for FREE, along with other goodies, when you purchase the preorder bundle of Borrowed Hope. This bundle is available only through October 31, 2018.