Overcoming infertility…sometimes it seems impossible. But, with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). I’m a living witness that it is possible and I know others who have done so. Some of the ladies in my Facebook Group requested that I share more stories of women who have overcome infertility.
I’m T-H-R-I-L-L-E-D to share Amanda’s story.
Amanda and I met when she attended my very first iHope Fertility Retreat in May 2014. She flew to Phoenix and participated whole-heartedly the entire weekend. She and I have kept in touch since then and I am honored that she keeps me posted on the development and growth of her family. Amanda has given me permission to share the details of her season of infertility and how she experienced breakthrough despite multiple miscarriages. I know her story will bless you!
Overcoming Infertility: Amanda’s Story
My name is Amanda Roberts. I’m 35 years old and I have battled the lie of infertility. Many of you have been blessed by Evangeline stepping out in her calling to walk with women who are in this battle for creation. I am one of them. Two years ago I was crawling out of a very dark place. Finding the words that the Lord lead her to write, and later meeting her in person, was life changing. She has asked me to write a “short” recap of my story in hopes of encouraging you where you are at now. I love words and I verbally process everything, so this will likely not be short, but I pray that it is encouraging.
So, I guess I’ll start with sharing where I believe this story really began. I gave my life to Christ in February 2004. There was a lot that happened really quickly after that, including moving away from the only home I had known in Minnesota and settling in Washington State. By the time I had married my husband Chris in February 2009, I thought the Lord had cleaned my closets bare of all of my old “stuff”, but like for many, marriage uprooted a lot of fear I thought I had overcome. The way it took ground the strongest was being terrified to be a mother. Filled with self-hatred, I was confident “I’d screw them up” and I spoke this over myself quite regularly. My husband on the other hand, had a way with children I had never seen before. He was truly born to be a father. Like Jesus does though, He pursued me, encouraged me and softened my heart to my true heart’s desire, which was undeniably a desire to be a mom.
Trying to Start a Family
Chris and I truly started trying for a baby in April of 2011. Month after month I had the evidence of our failed attempts. My family doctor recommended we see a fertility specialist if we were not pregnant after 1 year, but almost like clockwork in April of 2012 I tested positive. We were so excited. I almost instantly headed to my first consignment show, bought a changing table, a bottle warmer, books and clothes. We sent cute notices to the grandparents out-of-state and announced it to our friends.
A week later (5 ½ weeks in) I found black blood in my underwear and soon after had a negative pregnancy test at the doctor’s office. They called it a “spontaneous abortion”. The next month, I started having similar symptoms and went in. The blood work confirmed a pregnancy, but this time the levels started dropping before I had a missed period. We prayed about going through with infertility testing and it wasn’t until after I met Evangeline that I remembered what the Lord said….”all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.” I wanted answers so bad though, that I disregarded what God was hinting at and dived in head first.
Overcoming Infertility Didn’t Seem Possible
We had the full workup and long story short, we were told I had more bad eggs than good eggs. We spent the next 9 months doing everything the doctor recommended, including agreeing with the “diagnosis”. That is the one thing about worldly knowledge–it can distract you from what God said. The blood work confirmed a problem, but NOTHING is above the Word of God. Of course, you have to choose to agree with Him. When you are handed knowledge that contradicts His truth, it’s easy to get sucked in to speaking what feels tangible. It was easier to take pills, give myself shots and tell people I had “bad eggs” when they asked me why we hadn’t had kids yet.
We’re pretty sure we miscarried again in October, but only based on similar symptoms as before. My body didn’t respond to the drugs the way they were supposed to except for making me “crazy” and when I didn’t ovulate at all with our second IUI treatment, I came off the drugs and found my mind clear again. That was enough for us to decide to put treatments on the top shelf.
A Clearer Mind
I wish I could say that with a clearer mind, God’s truth overpowered the lies of the enemy, but unfortunately I continued to accept the “bad egg diagnosis” as truth and speak it regularly. As Mother’s Day usually is for those battling infertility, 2013 wasn’t any different, until the test taken later in the day came back positive. I was pregnant without help. The blood work at the infertility clinic proved it and I thought my dry season was finally over.
As the weeks progressed, my blood work was climbing too slowly. They suspected a tubal pregnancy until there was a sack spotted on the ultrasound. That was all it was to become though and eventually I allowed my body to abort what I believe was my 4th child. It took 2 months from the time I tested positive until my body finally let it go, so it was very much like a roller coaster of emotions and repeated submission. We both leaned hard on God during that time. I read a book on the God of Job, which opened my eyes to a new perspective and though we both fell into a hole for several months after that miscarriage, God was faithful to bring us back to solid ground.
We eventually decided to try again and got pregnant in September. I had real pregnancy symptoms, my blood levels were climbing and we were sent home to wait for the 8 week ultrasound. At 6 weeks the symptoms stopped, but we held on to hope. We cried out to God, we believed and had faith, while my body was screaming “IT’S OVER”. At 8 weeks there was more than a sack, but no heartbeat and at 9 weeks it was the same.
Identifying with Infertility
Overcoming infertility began to appear impossible. We both entered into a dark place after that. My body aborted as it should and I lost my way. I honestly can’t remember much except I cried a lot. I had lighter days followed by pure depression. I stopped going to church, I pulled away from friends and I lost hope. My only real attachment to God was through music. Songs like “I’m Worn” and “Hope Is What We Crave” kept me holding on to the possibility that God was still there and hadn’t forsaken me. By the beginning of 2014, I knew Jesus was the answer, but I had no idea how he was going to fix what now felt like an identity. Infertility was what I had become.
A few months later, I was shown a verse, Exodus 23:25-26:
You shall serve [only] the Lord your God, and He shall bless your bread and water. I will also remove sickness from among you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days.
At this point I didn’t “get it”, but it made me want to know more about what God had to say on infertility. With a prompting to google search it, I found Evangeline’s book “A Seed of Hope – God’s Promises of Fertility”. God started talking and/or I started listening. He talked to me through the pages of this book. He also spoke to me through an encounter during a baby dedication (which I had been avoiding quite faithfully for over 2 years), through friends, and through His Word.
[Read the rest of Amanda’s story here next week. Don’t miss it! Get it delivered to your inbox by providing your email address at the top right of this site.]
