Every marriage goes through seasons. Just like we confidently expect and prepare for changes in the weather as we move from spring to summer to fall to winter, we should expect changes in our circumstances and prepare for them.
Every marital season requires fresh perspectives and new commitments. We can confidently expect positive change as we transfer our focus from our problem to the ultimate solution that is ALWAYS found in Jesus. Looking to Him is the best form of preparation for any season in life.
I choose to call infertility a season because it’s something that we can expect to change.
But before I go any further, let me give you a bit of my story of infertility.
Because I experienced both infertility and childbirth, I can honestly say that the emotional pain of infertility hurts worse than the physical pain of delivering a baby. As a woman, I felt inadequate during my season of infertility. I thought I was a failure. I couldn’t do the ONE thing that women can do that men can’t–and that is to get pregnant.
My story begins in college at Georgia Tech where I met and fell in love with Freeman. After graduation and working a couple of years we got married and as engineers do, we planned our lives–in detail. We knew how many years we wanted to wait before having kids. And trust me, infertility was nowhere in our plan.
We started “trying” but nothing happened. After multiple visits to doctors, D&C surgeries, and multiple tests, no firm diagnosis was made as to the cause of the infertility but my doctor said indications were that we may never have kids.
My husband and I experienced a roller coaster of emotions–disbelief, fear, anger, sadness, even feeling inferior to our friends who already had children. As time went on, I had to fight against numerous thoughts that were fearful, doubtful, and shame-filled everyday. Yes, I was ashamed that I could not get pregnant. No one else made me feel that way; it was self-inflicted.
I reached a point where I felt I had to make some decisions before moving on to infertility specialists and all the treatments that I may have to endure. It was in this time frame that I made some decisions (the word “decision” means to cut off all other options).
I would not get depressed or become a hermit; I would continue to hang out with my friends and their children and find joy and pleasure in being with them.
I would enjoy life while we waited; I would not fall into the trap of thinking that life would begin to be good only when we had children.
I would not do the easy thing and give up without a fight; I would continue to hope.
I would honor God with my faith by believing in His power to change my situation and by letting Him work it out.
I would make my marriage the priority—divorce would not be an option. My marriage had to take priority over everything else because I wanted to enjoy living the rest of my life with my husband.
These decisions were not easy to make nor were they easy to carry out. But they were highly important and extremely powerful in helping my husband and me get through that season of infertility.
Eventually, I experienced VICTORY! I was able to get pregnant naturally, without any treatments (three times! 🙂 ). Making those decisions to trust God’s Word and to keep believing that His healing Word works made a significant difference in my fertility.
Now that you know more of my story, I pray that it encourages you and fills some of the holes where your hope has diminished. Hearing about another woman’s story of infertility can be a source of hope when you see how she became an overcomer. God’s promises of fertility are true! “Borrowing” hope from other women’s victories over infertility can help immensely. Some days, it may be the only way to not give up!
I have written a book, Borrowed Hope, about this topic. My friend, Angela Williams, who experienced miscarriage, is my co-author. The book is a unique presentation of Sarah and Abraham’s story of overcoming infertility. Peek into her world and witness her intimate conversations with Abraham, God, and herself about her season of infertility.
Her story of infertility victory will encourage you and strengthen your hope, propelling you to expect your own victory.
[NOTE] A large portion of this post is an excerpt from the ebook, Infertility Sucks! How to Maintain Hope in Your Marriage During Infertility. Infertility Sucks will give you tips to keep your marriage intact and strong during infertility. You can receive this ebook for FREE, along with other goodies, when you purchase the preorder bundle of Borrowed Hope. This bundle is available only through October 31, 2018.
Victory over infertility is not too hard for God (Genesis 18:14)!
This is a letter that testifies of God’s goodness and His willingness to work on our behalf. It is from Camille, a reader of my blog. I pray it encourages you to not give up on God’s promises of fertility. Her story starts back in 2014.
Back in November my husband and I decided to start the process for IVF. This was after trying 3 unsuccessful IUIs before I ever read your book. So we thought we would go for it and if it was God’s will, it would happen for us.
We both believe that God is the giver of all life and we found a wonderful fertility specialist. What was so special about him is that when we met with him, he was very open and passionate about his belief in God being the orchestrator and creator of life and that his role was “helping setting the scene” from a medical standpoint for God to do his work. This was very important to me as sometimes these doctors do get the notion that they are in control and see themselves as God.
We went through the process of taking a lot of drugs and ended up having 9 eggs retrieved. There were 4 that survived. They implanted two and that is how we got our little boy and we have two more frozen embryos that we plan to have implanted in another 1.5-2 years.
My pregnancy was amazing. I had very little nausea and vomiting. I worked up until last my 39th week. We have been blessed beyond measure. Our friends and family who have prayed for us this entire journey had 3 different baby showers for us. We have been provided with more than we could ever need for this baby and things keep coming. When God blesses you, he always go above and beyond!
My husband and I read your book and it was so encouraging. I would re-read certain passages over and over again when doubt and fear crept in. When I purchased your book, I posted something on your website/blog I believe only one time (I cannot remember what I posted). However, the day that you contacted me via email was a very interesting day. I was talking with my best friend about my struggle with infertility. She and her husband had just given birth to my god-daughter through IVF and while I was extremely happy for her. However, I thought, “Why isn’t God not making it happen for me?” You see, I felt I had done things the “right way.” Coming from a family of teenage mothers, including my own who had me at 15, I waited. I went to college, found a God-fearing and loving husband, and we purchased our dream home. I went back to school to get a second Bachelor’s degree and we traveled the world. We certainly were ready!
However, on this particular day of talking with my best friend, I was so down and depressed. Usually she knew the things to say to keep me encouraged because she had gone through the same thing, but on this day, nothing was working. I think it made me more upset because I had gotten to a point where I felt she could no longer relate because she had her baby. That’s another story.
I remember going to Wal-Mart to get some household supplies after getting off the phone with her and when I came out it was pouring down raining. With no umbrella and getting completely soaking wet, I looked up to the sky and said to God, “Come on… are you serious?” I was so full of anger and depression. However, when I got home, I had an email from you! Now I had never spoken to you and am sure that I had only posted on your blog just one time. This was a sign to me that the Lord hears us and He sends people our way (sometimes even strangers) to show us that He is still with us even when we think He is not. I have used this story as a testimony.
I’m sorry I wrote so much, but I really wanted to let you know how much you and your book has meant to our lives. You following up with me is another reminder of the importance of telling our story of God’s greatness and continued blessings. Please know that you are making a difference and that the Lord is truly using you to change lives.
If God did it before, He’ll do it again. He’s no respecter of persons. Keep your hope alive!
Hope is Having Only Positive Expectations. It is powerful and has an eternal purpose (1 Corinthians 13:13). The purpose of hope is to give you greater inner strength. It serves you no matter what you’re feeling or experiencing.
I pray that Camille’s story of victory over infertility will give you hope!
Overcoming infertility can feel like an impossibility. But it’s not. Even though it is very discouraging and difficult to get through, it is possible to overcome it. Hearing the stories of others who have done just that can spur us on to persevere to victory.
I met Rosie through the A Seed of Hope Fertility Support Group that I started on Facebook. Her season of infertility was very similar to that of so many women today. I’m thrilled that Rosie shares her story as an overcomer of infertility… as an encouragement to YOU. Remember that nothing, not even infertility, is too hard for God (Genesis 18:14)!
Our journey started off like most married couples. My husband and I got married in 2012 and right away we talked about having a family. Soon after, we realized that God had other plans. We spent many nights praying and thanking Jesus (in advance) for our little miracle.
Our months were filled with tears, disappointment, depression and going to counseling.
Infertility had become very draining on our marriage. I quickly realized that we needed help. In the midst of it all, we seemed to always keep God first. It wasn’t easy. For 3.5 years we struggled to conceive. We began to go through infertility treatments.
Our journey became very much a financial strain on our marriage. I went through three surgeries and 4 failed IUI’s. While walking this journey, I grew very weak and distant from so many. I continued to just seek God’s face and thank him for our miracle.
After our last failed IUI, we prayed about In Vitro Fertilization (“IVF”). We were told by our specialist that IVF was our only option and learned it was going to cost us over $12,000.00. We didn’t have this kind of money. For several months, we began to seek God and pray about it. We felt moved by God to proceed. We began to raise money in May of 2015 — started a GoFundMe account and hosted a golf outing. By August of 2015, we had raised $9,000 with God’s help (we knew this was God). We never thought it would be possible! But, GOD MADE A WAY!!! By October of 2015, we began our IVF treatments.
In November of 2015, we learned that we were pregnant, not with one, but two babies!! Wow, what a blessing it’s been from God! Our little twin boys are now a few months old. We are so excited about our little miracles and feel so blessed to be where we are!!
To those still struggling, please don’t lose hope. God will make a way!!! Everything is in his timing. Just when you think that there is no way, He will make a way!!
-Rosie Marlatt
Request to join A Seed of Hope Facebook group so that you are encouraged through connecting with other like-minded women!
Amanda is a 21st century overcomer. Last week, many of you were so excited by her story of overcoming infertility that you couldn’t wait to read “the rest of the story.” Well here it is! 🙂 And in case you missed Part 1, you can read it HERE.
I know her experience in coming out of the season of infertility will encourage you!
I had the opportunity to attend a fertility retreat hosted by Evangeline and meet her in person. I had been trying to figure out the scripture from Exodus 23:25-26 for months by the time I attended. The part I got stuck on was, “You shall serve only the Lord.” I felt like I was already serving “only” the Lord, so then why did the promise of “no miscarriages”, not apply to me? Evangeline shared a picture that hit at the truth. She said, “you have truths in your head that you read or hear and believe, but they don’t connect with your heart and thus don’t “feel” real. But the thing between your head and your heart is your mouth. You’ve got to speak His promises.”
God wants us to partner with Him. That’s why He gives us promises that belong to us because of what Jesus did for us, but He wants us to own them by speaking them. Equally true, we can speak lies that feed our hearts as well. I started this journey by speaking over myself the lie that “I’d be better off not being a mom, because I’d screw them up” and later agreed with the lie that I had “bad eggs.” To answer my above question, the truth was I probably wasn’t serving “only” the Lord, because I was doing things (seeking answers) in my own power, but more importantly I wasn’t standing on His truth. There were things that I knew about His character, His love, His plans, His timing, but didn’t “feel” them as real and thus I turned to worldly science instead of Him.
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. ~2 Corinthians 1:20
If He has made a promise, His answer is “Yes” in Christ, but we have to agree. God has promised us our hearts desires if we take delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). What better way to do that than to agree with Him? If you haven’t already, look at the number of times that God promised that we won’t be barren and the number of women throughout history who stood on these promises and overcame infertility. It is truly amazing!
I left the retreat with a new arsenal of weapons to use against the enemy. I started seeking out God’s promises and speaking them over my life. Instead of questioning Exodus, I just started declaring that the promise of no miscarriages was for me. I fired the infertility clinic and found a new believing doctor that heard my story and the first thing he said was “well it looks like we’re getting closer each time”, a shockingly hopeful statement. I took a full-time job, because I figured based on my previous track record, it would be a while before I got pregnant. God had different plans.
I tested positive at the beginning part of August 2014 and fear set in hard. It’s easier to speak out truth than it is to walk it out and I entered into a full on war with the devil. I stood on Exodus, shaking, tears flowing down my blubbering face on more than one occasion. We held off on blood work and ultrasounds until 9 weeks, because we didn’t want any “fact” to interfere with God’s truth. If there was going to be life, there would be evidence without doubt by 9 weeks. That was the longest 5 weeks of my life, but on September 10, 2014, there was a beautifully strong, pounding heart beat and a little bean with nubs wiggling away on the screen. Four weeks later he had grown full arms, legs, hands, fingers, feet and toes and the reality finally kicked in, this was my promise. On April 13, 2015, Samuel David Roberts was born 8 lb.-11 oz and 21 inches long.
He has since blossomed into a gentle, joyful, and BIG boy. He just turned one, is weighing almost 30 pounds, and is just shy of 3 ft. tall.
He is amazing. My husband and I are repeatedly lost for words about how awesome he is. He gives us a reason to be thankful every single day and now we get to be thankful for his sister who is due in September. 🙂
I’ll leave you with this: I know the choke hold that the lie of infertility can have on your faith, your trust, and your ability to fight. I know there are times when you think there is no fight left, but if I can encourage you with one thing, it is that God knows and He’s not done! The enemy might get to have this season for a time, but if you have a desire to be a mother, God gave it to you and He has a plan to make it a reality. Stand on and speak this truth over your life!
Many blessings to a home filled with the pounding of little feet and squeals of laughter throughout.
With Love-
Chris, Amanda, Samuel and Baby girl Roberts
Overcoming infertility is possible! For more encouragement so that you can stand on God’s promises, read
A Seed of Hope: God’s Promises of Fertility.
Overcoming infertility…sometimes it seems impossible. But, with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). I’m a living witness that it is possible and I know others who have done so. Some of the ladies in my Facebook Group requested that I share more stories of women who have overcome infertility.
I’m T-H-R-I-L-L-E-D to share Amanda’s story.
Amanda and I met when she attended my very first iHope Fertility Retreat in May 2014. She flew to Phoenix and participated whole-heartedly the entire weekend. She and I have kept in touch since then and I am honored that she keeps me posted on the development and growth of her family. Amanda has given me permission to share the details of her season of infertility and how she experienced breakthrough despite multiple miscarriages. I know her story will bless you!
My name is Amanda Roberts. I’m 35 years old and I have battled the lie of infertility. Many of you have been blessed by Evangeline stepping out in her calling to walk with women who are in this battle for creation. I am one of them. Two years ago I was crawling out of a very dark place. Finding the words that the Lord lead her to write, and later meeting her in person, was life changing. She has asked me to write a “short” recap of my story in hopes of encouraging you where you are at now. I love words and I verbally process everything, so this will likely not be short, but I pray that it is encouraging.
So, I guess I’ll start with sharing where I believe this story really began. I gave my life to Christ in February 2004. There was a lot that happened really quickly after that, including moving away from the only home I had known in Minnesota and settling in Washington State. By the time I had married my husband Chris in February 2009, I thought the Lord had cleaned my closets bare of all of my old “stuff”, but like for many, marriage uprooted a lot of fear I thought I had overcome. The way it took ground the strongest was being terrified to be a mother. Filled with self-hatred, I was confident “I’d screw them up” and I spoke this over myself quite regularly. My husband on the other hand, had a way with children I had never seen before. He was truly born to be a father. Like Jesus does though, He pursued me, encouraged me and softened my heart to my true heart’s desire, which was undeniably a desire to be a mom.
Chris and I truly started trying for a baby in April of 2011. Month after month I had the evidence of our failed attempts. My family doctor recommended we see a fertility specialist if we were not pregnant after 1 year, but almost like clockwork in April of 2012 I tested positive. We were so excited. I almost instantly headed to my first consignment show, bought a changing table, a bottle warmer, books and clothes. We sent cute notices to the grandparents out-of-state and announced it to our friends.
A week later (5 ½ weeks in) I found black blood in my underwear and soon after had a negative pregnancy test at the doctor’s office. They called it a “spontaneous abortion”. The next month, I started having similar symptoms and went in. The blood work confirmed a pregnancy, but this time the levels started dropping before I had a missed period. We prayed about going through with infertility testing and it wasn’t until after I met Evangeline that I remembered what the Lord said….”all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.” I wanted answers so bad though, that I disregarded what God was hinting at and dived in head first.
We had the full workup and long story short, we were told I had more bad eggs than good eggs. We spent the next 9 months doing everything the doctor recommended, including agreeing with the “diagnosis”. That is the one thing about worldly knowledge–it can distract you from what God said. The blood work confirmed a problem, but NOTHING is above the Word of God. Of course, you have to choose to agree with Him. When you are handed knowledge that contradicts His truth, it’s easy to get sucked in to speaking what feels tangible. It was easier to take pills, give myself shots and tell people I had “bad eggs” when they asked me why we hadn’t had kids yet.
We’re pretty sure we miscarried again in October, but only based on similar symptoms as before. My body didn’t respond to the drugs the way they were supposed to except for making me “crazy” and when I didn’t ovulate at all with our second IUI treatment, I came off the drugs and found my mind clear again. That was enough for us to decide to put treatments on the top shelf.
I wish I could say that with a clearer mind, God’s truth overpowered the lies of the enemy, but unfortunately I continued to accept the “bad egg diagnosis” as truth and speak it regularly. As Mother’s Day usually is for those battling infertility, 2013 wasn’t any different, until the test taken later in the day came back positive. I was pregnant without help. The blood work at the infertility clinic proved it and I thought my dry season was finally over.
As the weeks progressed, my blood work was climbing too slowly. They suspected a tubal pregnancy until there was a sack spotted on the ultrasound. That was all it was to become though and eventually I allowed my body to abort what I believe was my 4th child. It took 2 months from the time I tested positive until my body finally let it go, so it was very much like a roller coaster of emotions and repeated submission. We both leaned hard on God during that time. I read a book on the God of Job, which opened my eyes to a new perspective and though we both fell into a hole for several months after that miscarriage, God was faithful to bring us back to solid ground.
We eventually decided to try again and got pregnant in September. I had real pregnancy symptoms, my blood levels were climbing and we were sent home to wait for the 8 week ultrasound. At 6 weeks the symptoms stopped, but we held on to hope. We cried out to God, we believed and had faith, while my body was screaming “IT’S OVER”. At 8 weeks there was more than a sack, but no heartbeat and at 9 weeks it was the same.
Overcoming infertility began to appear impossible. We both entered into a dark place after that. My body aborted as it should and I lost my way. I honestly can’t remember much except I cried a lot. I had lighter days followed by pure depression. I stopped going to church, I pulled away from friends and I lost hope. My only real attachment to God was through music. Songs like “I’m Worn” and “Hope Is What We Crave” kept me holding on to the possibility that God was still there and hadn’t forsaken me. By the beginning of 2014, I knew Jesus was the answer, but I had no idea how he was going to fix what now felt like an identity. Infertility was what I had become.
A few months later, I was shown a verse, Exodus 23:25-26:
You shall serve [only] the Lord your God, and He shall bless your bread and water. I will also remove sickness from among you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days.
At this point I didn’t “get it”, but it made me want to know more about what God had to say on infertility. With a prompting to google search it, I found Evangeline’s book “A Seed of Hope – God’s Promises of Fertility”. God started talking and/or I started listening. He talked to me through the pages of this book. He also spoke to me through an encounter during a baby dedication (which I had been avoiding quite faithfully for over 2 years), through friends, and through His Word.
[Read the rest of Amanda’s story here next week. Don’t miss it! Get it delivered to your inbox by providing your email address at the top right of this site.]
